The other night, while in a deep sleep in a cabin on the shores of a Northwoods lake, I suddenly found myself chairing a US Senate committee meeting. Our committee was going over the legislative agenda items we were about to enact. Somehow I knew that my party was being led by a progressive, charismatic, newly elected executive with an impenetrable majority in both houses of Congress, kind of like the federal government after the 2008 election. We would be enacting everything we wanted.
The agenda read as follows: 
1) A More Progressive and Fair
Income Tax
a) All private sector workers pay 10% on the first $10,000, 9% on the next $10,000, reducing the tax rate by 1% for every $10,000 of income until $100,000, at which point the rate is 0% on every dollar made thereafter.
b) All public sector employees pay 10% on the first $10,000, 20% on the next $10,000, progressively increasing the tax rate by 10% for every $10,000 of income until $100,000, at which point the rate is 100% on every dollar made thereafter. No public employee needs to make more than $100,000. After all, they are doing public service.
c) Small Business owners are exempt from all income taxes and are eligible to receive pension payments from small business owner pension insurance fund. After all, small business is the engine of the American economy.
2) Public Employee Benefit
Package Reform
a) No public employee healthcare plan can have a deductible less than $10,000 and must contain an Health Savings Account (HSA).
b) Any public employee pension package must be a defined contribution plan and must also include a matching employee contribution of equal value into the small business owner pension insurance fund.
3) Alternative Energy
Affordability Act
a) All of the following individuals engaged in any way in any of the following activities are prohibited from purchasing any petroleum product including gasoline, kerosene, heating oil, lubricating oil or anything containing plastic:
- Corn farming
- Ethanol manufacturing
- Owning of Burlington Northern
Sante Fe (BNSF) stock
- Public employment including
politics of any kind
- Environmental activism
- Government sponsored climate
or energy research
- Government lobbying
- Supporting John McCain or anyone
in the Democrat Party
- Voting in California, New York City
or a senatorial election in Maine
within the past 10 years
b) Anyone engaged or employed in any aspect of the wind power generation industry must utilize only wind generated power directly and may not utilize grid energy generated from any other source. In addition, all of these individuals are required to have at least one wind turbine on any personal property they own.
c) Farmers engaged in corn farming and anyone employed or otherwise engaged in ethanol manufacturing may only use ethanol as a fuel for all equipment used in these activities.
4) Judicial Investment and
Accountability Act
a) All judges at all levels of government, before an oath of office can be administered, must attend and pass a 40 hour course approved by Hillsdale College on safeguarding, enacting, interpreting and preserving the US Constitution. Each year thereafter the judge must attend a Hillsdale approved 8 hour refresher course.
b) After completing the required training, a certificate will be issued as proof of Constitution competency once the $1500.00 judicial privilege fee is received, 100% of which is deposited into the Citizens for Unconstitutional Laws fund.
c) Any judge accused of legislating from the bench or judicial activism will be suspended without pay until a citizen’s tribunal rules upon the evidence presented. Such crimes will be considered statutorily as treason against the American people and subject to the fullest extent of remedies outlined thereof.
5) The Hollywood Freedom
of Creativity Act
a) All individuals involved in Hollywood productions, including movies, videos, music or any other media venue or delivery system are now considered public employees and subject to the same income tax and benefit requirements outlined in 1(b), 2(a) and 2(b), since everyone in America is a stakeholder in our movie industry. All actors and actresses are included.
b) All movie actors, actresses, directors and producers must become members of Americans for Motion Picture Integrity (AMPI) and stay current with any dues requirements set by the organization. All must undergo a personal review and background check before the AMPI board of to insure quality and competency in these vital roles of this critical industry. Drug testing is optional but strongly encouraged.
c) No individual to which 5(a) applies may own any firearms of any type unless they are lifetime members of the National Rifle Association (NRA). Lifetime members of the NRA are excluded from the requirements of 5(a) and are considered private sector workers unless any aspect of 3(a), 3(b) or 3(c) apply with the exception of the voting in California requirement.
d) A permit must be obtained prior to the start of any movie or video production which will include, at a minimum, a complete script review, environmental impact statement, energy use and recycling plan, child experience enhancement evaluation, and at least 4 public hearings located in distinct regions of the country and accessible in person, by phone and video chat. Any citizen can request copies of any of these documents or hearing minutes free of charge and must be delivered to them within 5 business days.
e) All movie and video production must be done under the supervision of an AMPI certified compliance specialist to ensure workplace safety and implementation of the energy use and recycling plan.
f) All completed Hollywood creations are considered property of the American people including all copyright and reproduction protections. All profits obtained from such activities will be immediately dispersed to the US Treasury.
6) Public Assistance and Fairness
of Opportunity Act
a) Anyone receiving government assistance of any kind, including welfare payments, housing or energy assistance, food stamps, medicaid, or government sponsored job training must undergo a full spectrum drug screen at least quarterly. Any recipient shown to be engaged in illegal drug use will become immediately ineligible to receive any and all future payments, subsidies or any other kind of government assistance.
b) Any individual, corporation or other entity receiving a government subsidy or grant is excluded from the provisions outlined in 1(c) and all employees considered public employees and subject to all provisions of 1(b), 2(a) and 2(b).
7) Workplace Lighting and Environmental Enhancement Act
a) Any and all manufacturing and distribution of fluorescent lighting products is hereby prohibited.
b) All commercial facilities must be retrofitted with LED lighting products within 2 years of the enactment of this legislation.
c) Failure to purge a commercial facility of mercury-containing lamps will be considered an act of environmental terrorism and subject to.......
Then I woke up.
I tried to go back to sleep to find out what came next, for this was just the beginning part of a very long list, but to no avail. So I was given a sneak peek of what I would be like if I were a Progressive. Maybe there is something to this progressive stuff after all.