By Riley J. Hood—Milwaukee County Constitution Party
 It is 2009, and while there is a debt bubble depression, that had lowered Mom and Dad’s income, Santa is doing fine. Santa always says, “a bad day at pole the north pole is better than Diocletian’s jail cells.” For several centuries, the manufacturing plant at the North Pole was a fined tuned operation. The elves worked hard, for a middle-class elf wage, and everything was moving 24/6 to get ready for Christmas day.
Suddenly, Santa announced at a company meeting, “I have just opened a plant in Beijing, and the Communist Chinese will be taking over several divisions.” The next meeting Santa said, “Presents for good girls and boys is racist, that would exclude George Floyd, Trayvon Martin, Dontre Hamilton, Ernest Lacy, Jacob Blake, Michael McGee, Bill Cosby, Michael Jackson and a whole host of misunderstood people from getting toys.  You are now going to make toys for the bad children, on your off-time, for free.” The elves thought, “is Roman Polanski or Harvey Weinstein on the toy list? How far does this go?”
Working conditions at the plant suffered after Santa implemented the “Red and Green New Deal” where all the heating and power was solar. The elves froze, and the only to keep alive was “to give more it elbow grease” and work up a sweat.
Then Santa said, “I am raising your income taxes to 100%, (actually it was 33.3-33.3-33.3 Plan,) so you can pay for “college for all” and “Medicare for all.” Elves don’t usually speak out, but this is getting ridiculous, and one did, “Hey Santa, do we get to go to college?” Santa said, “No way, Elves are not protected categories under the Affirmative Action law, but you get to pay for it, aren’t you lucky.” The elf asked, “Don’t our lives matter?” Santa Claus said, “Black Lives Matter.” The elf said, “None of us ever said black lives don’t matter.  We make toys for all the good children.” Santa repeated, “Black Lives Matter,” and fired the elf for racism. After hearing that, the elves stopped talking, they were afraid of being called racists, their record of making toys for all good girls and boys notwithstanding.
Santa said, “Now that pot is legalized, we are going to start processing that as well. Not just dime bags, but brownies and edibles.” adding, “I want it laced with opium and Fentanyl, I want a good buzz.” The elves were in a strait, doing this kind of work violated their Judeo-Christian work ethic, but Santa Inc. was the only plant at the north pole.
After they were forced to wear masks, the elves got surly and they started slow-rolling. “If Santa keeps pretending to pay us, we will keep pretending to work.” They elves went on strike, but Santa shipped more work to Communist China.  Then the elves started moving out. They set up their own communities to take care of themselves. The quality of the toys fell off, the Christmas spirit was replaced with social justice, and guilt manipulation. Nobody remembered that Santa Claus was Nicolas of Myra, and in 2020, Santa was just another socialist promising “free” stuff from other people’s labor and money. In one final act of incompetence, Santa accused the elves of Jim Crow politics, saying his abandoned plant was encircled by an “elf ring of suburbs.”
The Milwaukee County Constitution Party asserts that weak Joe Biden, Bernie Sanders, and “Princess Talking-Bull” Warren are Santa Claus socialists, laying more burdens to bear on the backs of “little elves” like you and I. Christian charity is being replaced by government largess, which is being demanded as a “right.” At the Milwaukee County Constitution Party, we are Christians in politics, we enjoy Christmas time, and the “Christmas spirit” and may it and our nation never be turned into what the Socialists have planned for us.